Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Make My Heart Like Yours

There is a little less than a month till Intake starts. I'll admit I'm nervous. I'm an introvert and I'm afraid I'll shy away from my fellow missionaries-in-training. I'm nervous about being the youngest girl, I'm afraid I will just try to ''keep quite and keep out of the way".  In the midst of my worrying God has been showing me that it will all be okay.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

What I need to work on now, and for the rest of my life, is to make my heart like His. People are not my favorite.  They are noisy, talking all the time, they have different ideas than I do, sometimes even a small group of friends intimidate me. Me, is my space, and I don't want a ton of people tramping in it. Dwelling on this I've asked God why He's called me to be a missionary.

Ezekiel 36:26

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
I, by myself, can not be a missionary. By myself I will fail. I will see people and freeze, not knowing what to say or what to do. Only with God can I work to be strong enough.  He can nudge me towards a group of people.  Only with God can I be the crazy person who smiles at everyone, even stopping to talk to people on the street. 
This change can only happen if I give my heart to God and ask Him to make it like His.   


Thursday, August 8, 2013

I'm Just Like Them

              I have this fear of letting God take complete control in my life.  It's as if I think He's the big bad guy in the sky, waiting for me to screw up so He can rain down punishment.  As if He's going to trick me into doing something I don't want to do. Seriously?

I have this fear that is completely unfounded. God has only good plans for my future. And I know this because of all He's done in the past. This summer I've been on two amazing mission trips. This fall I have my missionary training.  I have a wonderful family that inspires me to grow closer to God.  I am surrounded by missionaries who give of themselves to the fullest extent.  I turned my back on the Divine Lover, but he never stopped wooing me.  How's that for blessed? Who am I to fear?
In the book of Exodus, right after God leads his people through the Red Sea, we read that they start to grumble and complain and worry.

"Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the fleshpots and ate bread to the full; for you have brought us out of into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger." (Exodus 16:3)

God has just done mighty deeds for them! He split the Red Sea and wiped out Pharaohs' army. And the Israelites are worried about something as trivial as food?  The God who created the earth, who created them, who led them out of Egypt with signs and wonders is not going to forget about food.

        I guess I've always kinda known this but it really hit me today.  I'm just like them.  I sit back after I see God do miracles and say, "Um God I don't trust you with my future."   Wow.  He's shown me in so many ways that He loves me.  And yet I still fear.  God forgive me!   I'm just like them. I can make excuses:
"If I don't know what God's will is then I'm going to mess up and I'll ruin my entire life." 
"God may have done miracles for others but He doesn't do them for me." 

On and on.   Stop.  Think. Are any of those excuses true? No. Okay? Okay.

To wrap up my ramblings I have to say that I don't have a brilliant answer or solution to this problem.  But I'm gonna bet He does.   And I'll just go with that and pray, and ask others to pray as well, that I would learn how to completely trust God.