Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My story

I come from a very strong Catholic family, and I considered myself a strong Catholic too. I prayed with my family and went to mass every Sunday. Then I slowly drifted away. I still continued to go to mass with my family but, I no longer payed attention. I cut myself off form God.
It wasn't until last year that I realized this. All of the sudden I was hopelessly lost. All of my faith had finally left me, and I was scared and angry. There were many nights that I cried myself to sleep because I felt so alone. It's hard to explain what happened in side of my mind. For all of my angry and sadness I crept hidden deep inside, I was afraid that if my parents knew about my struggle I would be forced to learn more about my faith. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I did desperately, but I wanted to do it myself. So in my pride I struggled.
The ability to discern if my actions where right or wrong got harder and harder. Yet still I wanted help myself, God (if he was out there) didn't need to help me, I didn't need him. Finally I gave up. I gave up caring whether I was a good person or not. I just didn't care. Thankfully I didn't see that as a reason to sin more, I just didn't do anything. Good or bad.
Around the same time that I had started to struggle my parents felt the call to missions. I was the only one in the family who was against leaving. But I kept it to myself. In May we moved down to Louisiana, where the mission base is. Still unhappy I started to wonder if I could really help myself. Something started to change in me then, but I didn't do anything.
Why I didn't do anything confuses me, so it will probably sound confusing to you too.
On my top 10 hate list, I absolutely hate hypocrites. So even though I wanted to believe in God, I did not want to be a hypocrite. So I stayed in my land of confused darkness. What finaly made me take that flying leap of faith was not the actual camp but the staff retreat. For Faith Camp I was a part of staff, and a month before all the staff got together.
I was standing in the semi-darkness, it was Praise and Worship time. All the songs seemed to be centered around forgiveness and God's love (imagine that.) All of the sudden I felt pulled to my knees. Down there I finally said it, I said "Jesus I don't care about me any more. I give myself to you. Me, worthless, dirty and sinful. I give you my life, my body and soul."
I said that over and over again, then this wonderful peace came over me. And I was so happy!
It wasn't really Faith Camp that changed me, although Faith Camp has built me up greatly. But if I had not been on staff, I would not be sharing this story with you.

Pics are coming soon!


  1. .............. I dont even know what to say!

  2. Wow! That is an incredible story, Lizzy! A beautiful story of Jesus' love for his children.

  3. I am glad that you feel great now.

  4. Benjamin W. JacksonAugust 7, 2010 at 4:51 PM

    I gotta say Abi -cough- Lizzy (oh yeah did I mention this is Ben?) that we are a like in this aspect. Yeah we all mess up, I did to. My best friend maneged to save me. Thank Jesus for pulling you back to him!
    In Jesus love,

  5. You might want to share this story on the CLAA student Forum... :-) just sayin'....