Update

Today we remember the trial and death of Jesus, who came to earth to die for all of us, for those who know Him today and those who may never know Him.  That thought boggles my mind.  As a Catholic I've always known that he died for my sins, but for the past few weeks I've been reflecting on the fact that he also died for the sins of people who may never know He lived.   It was this thought, and the sadness I felt knowing that people in this world are living and dying without knowing of His mighty love and mercy, that has set a fire in my heart to continue missions apart from my family.
August of this year I'm going to turn 18, and I know there are many options for me to pursue. For about 4 years now I've wanted to get my certification to be a practicing midwife, this is something still on my heart but it doesn't seem as important now.
Many of my friends are going on to college, but that too doesn't seem as important.  What seems most important living a life, and preaching a gospel that will save souls, all with the help of Christ.
So a couple days ago I gave my application to be a full time missionary with FMC. (fmcmissions.com)
My missionary training, called Intake, starts in September.  I ask everyone to pray for me as I prepare for training.

The End of Nanowrimo 2012

It's ended, and I won again this year! Hooray for me.  4th year of Nano, 2nd time winning. I really liked this year, it was very challenging because I didn't do my normal fantasy story, but in an awesome way.   I've learned that it's not easy to write Historical Fiction when you don't plan.  As an avowed panster the thought of planning makes me shudder, but a little voice has been telling me I should try next year. As you all know I did a historical fiction story about a movie director in the 1930's -1940's.    Last year I came out of Nano disliking my characters and so shut them up in my files of unfinished novels and haven't really looked at it since.  This year I still love my characters, and my story  but I'm ready to put them to rest and let them simmer for a few months.  
This year I somewhat finished!  I saw somewhat because I followed  the story line along till almost 30k (at this moment I can't remember the exact wordcount) and then I came to a wall that I couldn't break.  So I jumped over it, skipped it and wrote the finishing 10,000 words and then had to fit in  10,000 more words.  *sigh* It was hard.  But as you can see I did indeed win.  All's well that ends well.
Currently I'm just resting from writing and looking at some of my unfinished stories. I can't wait to get to work on something else.

We are called to Love

For the past two days I have been reading this book called The Irresistible Revolution.  And then this morning in our Liturgy of the hours we read Romans 12:13-21.  It's something that I've read many many many times before, and it's always been like:
"Yeah, it's a nice reading." And then I forget about it.      But today, it spoke to me an a whole new level. Here's what it says.

 Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.  Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.  Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

And this reading struck me because this is what we are called to do. Share with those in need. Live in harmony with one another.  It's so easy, and I am guilty of this myself, to simply believe it's just something to read and then forget.  But Paul wrote this to the Romans, telling them this is the way they had to live.   If they had to live it? Why don't we?   

I lived in the ghetto of St. Lucia, where people were murdered across the street and we heard the gunshots.  I've lived in the dirt, in the trash, with people who could be called "unloveable''.  It wasn't fun for me, it wasn't easy.   It's easy to want to go back to the states, get married live a ''good Christian life'', raise ''good Christian kids.''   How do I do what I know I'm supposed to do?   The only answer I can come up with, and one I find echoed in The Irresistible Revolution, is to love.

If you love someone you're willing to do anything for them.  I have to love God in order to love that Romans verse.

My human love is not strong enough for that.  I pray that God gives me more of His love.

A whole post about truth.

This might take the form of a rant of sorts so I apologize in advance.


Last night when we were at the bible study I sat there looking around asking myself,

“What am I doing here?” The truth of the matter is I shouldn’t be here; I’m the last person who should be in mission. The truth is that I don’t like being a missionary; I don’t like having to give up my school schedule to help people. I don’t like having a shower that’s just a pipe in a wall. I don’t like living without some comforts. The truth is I complain and I get disagreeable when these things happen.

The truth is I get mad at God for asking me to do things like this. The truth is some days I just want to ignore him. The truth is my life gets messed up.

A missionary should be perfect right? They should be a saint, a shining example of Jesus Christ.

That’s not me. A missionary should pray every single day and read the Bible for hours on end right? Well I don’t do that, I try, but some days I forget to pray, some days I don’t want to pray.

But the truth is also that I am here in the Philippines. And I am a missionary at this time in my life. So there must be an answer to my question.

“What am I doing here?”

Something interesting happened last night at the Bible study. The building that we go to is called the Barangay Hall, behind and around it are the houses of people who live in this Barangay, which are basically different sections of land where people live. As we are white we stick out A LOT here in the Philippines. So of course some people came out to watch us just because of that fact, but by the time the meeting started they had gone back inside their house. Soon it got dark and we started the meeting with singing. And I saw someone creep out of the house and hide behind a tree to watch us. But this person, I think it was a woman, wasn’t standing in a place where she could see us Americans very well. She could hear us though. I saw in her not a curiosity of white people, but of what we were doing here.

Who are these white people who sing?

I don’t know the full answer to the question, “Why am I here.” But I have an idea, and I have a story. The story is about my family, who according to a lot of people are crazy. We have ten children, we moved from our home, our farm, our family and our job to live with the poor in the Philippines.

They sing these white people with guitars. They dance with us, these white people. They act like fools and they don’t mind. These white people, they tell us of a man who says He loves us. These white people. They are different.

I’m going to start to tell my stories; every week at least I’m going to plan on finding a story. Not because you need to hear them, but because I need to remind myself why I’m here.

Days like these

On days like these I love being a writer. I can feel the word writer pulsing through my veins. On days like these everything goes well.  Inspiration comes, characters behave, plots flow and I feel alive.   On a day like this I go back to the novels I've put on hold because of writer's block and I write them.

Ah I love days such as this.

Babysitting

Here are some pictures of my day today, babysitting some of the kids!  

 

 

Watching Veggie Tales

It's easy to watch them when they are all busy with a movie. ;)

Trying to get the baby to smile.

God bless your day,
Abi

Birthday Pics

For my 17th birthday I let my mom plan my party. And I'm glad she did!  My grandma sent me a beautiful white glass tea set and my mother invited all the missionary ladies over for a tea party.

We had such a fun time sitting and drinking tea and talking about everything under the sun. 

My two best friends came from town also.

The tea was so good! I was missing my chai tea.

The tea table looked so pretty. :) 

 See? Cute huh. ;) 

 We had an abundance of food, I probably ate too much. ;) 

It was the best birthday ever! 

Thanks to my lovely mom and sisters who helped set everything up! 

Abi

Birthdays!

This week I celebrated my 17th birthday.  I had a wonderful day with friends and family.  The day after my birthday (the 10th) is my sister Rebecca's birthday.  She turned 4.  :)  I'll be posting again with some pictures. 

Let the insanity begin!

This week starts work week, which is when all the staff for Faith Camp get together to make Faith Camp happen.  We paint murals, get the games ready, and the coordinates get the plan for the next week all shiny. :D Please pray for me, and for all on staff this week that we would prepare our hearts to be the leaders God's want.

God Bless!

Me

Who I want to be:

Daughter of god. 

Servant of the Poor

Midwife

Sister

Helper

Friend

Daughter to my parents 

Lover

Guide 

I've been thinking about this a lot,  as you can tell from the posts lately. And I was thinking about how often I fail in my duties, how often I fail to be all I want to be, and God has called me to be.   I want this list to be written on my heart, something that I wake up in the morning in my mind, and something that I go to sleep remembering how I succeeded and failed and how I will do better the next day. 

Never forget who you are and who God as made you. He has wonderful plans in store for those who follow him. 

Remember Who made you, and who loves you. 

Blessings to you all my wonderful followers. 

This

This is what I want to be:

A Meaning

Today I read this lovely post, and decided to do one like it.  My name is Abigail, but its rare that I actually call myself that, usually I go by "Abi".  But my name has a lovely meaning:
"Father's Joy"    The meaning of my name is special to me because I take it not only am I a joy to my father on earth, I am also a joy to my Father in heaven.  To please both fathers is something I have to and want to strive for each and ever day.

Soulfilled.

Soulfilled.

I want to be soulfilled. 

Myself

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"  Mary Oliver


Today I found this quote and I loved it. It makes me think so many things, words and thoughts and idea I wish I could write down and share.  But they don't make sense right now, which brings me to this quote: 


"Do what you love. Know your own bone; gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still." 

~Thoreau


Beautiful aren't they?   Let us all ponder them...




P.S the background for the text keeps doing that to me, and I don't understand how to fix it. It's driving me cray. Sorry about it. :P 

The thing about Math

Yikes.  I really don't like math, I'm a words person, I write I don't do numbers... Apparently when I was a little girl, like 5, and learning to count my mother would use little muti-colored bears and count and point,
"One, two, three..."    But I would go right behind her and name each one,
"Fred, Jane, Mary.."     My mother despaired of ever teaching me to count.   :D
Now while that story is funny, the why I deal with math is not, at least to me.   It's quite horrible to look at at math problem and have your brain freeze. Freeze as in I can't think at all!   Math makes me want to sob and cry and tear my hair out.    And then something happened, as I am sadly lacking in math credits my mother found this website for me to use. Its called Khan Academy.  You get to make goals for yourself, it logs your hours for you, its pretty darned cool.   All of the sudden its not so painful to do math.  Its still hard, I still don't like it, but I don't hate it.

Let's just hope things stay this way as the math gets harder. ;)

Have a blessed day!

Enya

This is my second post about Enya I think....*goes to check*
Yup, one post already and very short.  :)   Amazingly enough I almost completely forgot about her music. Until today, I went on Spotify and looked her up again.  *Sigh*  I love Enya's music.  Its so, soothing, and her voice...Sometimes its deep and sometimes its high, but always beautiful. Its amazing that some singers can reach both low and high notes like that.
I'll leave y'all with this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py9ArY2sq04 

In the Quite

In the quite place, that's where I long to be. 
(Edit) Sorry about the color thing going on there...not sure how to fix it.  Have a blessed day!

Here are some quotes about silence, that I found and like. :)  
True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.  ~William Penn




Silence is the true friend that never betrays.  ~Confucius
Soon silence will have passed into legend.  Man has turned his back on silence.  Day after day he invents machines and devices that increase noise and distract humanity from the essence of life, contemplation, meditation... tooting, howling, screeching, booming, crashing, whistling, grinding, and trilling bolster his ego.  His anxiety subsides.  His inhuman void spreads monstrously like a gray vegetation.  ~Jean Arp


I have often lamented that we cannot close our ears with as much ease as we can our eyes.  ~Richard Steele
Everybody should have his personal sounds to listen for - sounds that will make him exhilarated and alive or quite and calm.... One of the greatest sounds of them all - and to me it is a sound - is utter, complete silence.  ~Andre Kostelanetz


In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.  Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.  ~Mahatma Gandhi


Silence is a fence around wisdom.  ~German Proverb



You hesitate to stab me with a word, and know not - silence is the sharper sword.  ~Samuel Johnson

Silence is medication for sorrow.  ~Arab Proverb

New Name

I changed the name of my blog.  For a few reasons:
1. I didn't really like, "A Missionary Journal".  It just didn't sound like I wanted it to be.
2. It didn't sound like me. The new title does.
3. I am changing, my life is changing.  :)

Whimsy

1

: whim, caprice

2

: the quality or state of being whimsical or fanciful whimsy>

3

: a fanciful or fantastic device, object, or creation especially in writing or art

(Via) 

Barefeet

Rain

Bubbles

Books

Water

Pictures 

I love whimsical things. <3 

Asking for prayers is hard.

Today I was thinking about something, and that is asking for prayers is sometimes hard. It takes humility to say "I'm not perfect and I want you to help me by praying for me." This reminds me of a something that happened to me in Mexico. One afternoon both my parents where out at the Ranchos, (small villages) and I was left in charge of all the kids save Issac. We had just finished a rosary with some of ladies, it was a Marian feast, I can't remember exactly what it was. Anyway Miss Genie, Susanna and some of us kids had like 10 minutes to get ready and head out to another Rancho. As all older children know, getting 8 kids ready is not easy. Shoes, coats ect... had to be found and children had to be taken to the bathroom and then loaded in the car. I was getting really frustrated and everyone kept saying,

"Come on y'all we need to hurry!" Muttering to myself I hurried the kids only 3/4 ready into the car, I sat down with them and was really annoyed. Miss Genie asks,

"Who is going to share tonight?" (Every time we go to the ranchos different members of the team get to share a personal testimony of faith, or something the Lord has done for them. )

No one said anything, Miss Genie looks behind to us in the backseat and said,

"Why don't you do it Abi?" Things had just gone from bad to worse, I had nothing that I wanted to share, I didn't even want to be there! But I said yes. I tried to clear my mind, but all I could think of was how mad I was and how I just wanted to sit down and cry. The car parked and everyone loaded out, Miss Genie gave some of the kids orders. Meanwhile I pulled Susanna aside and asked,

"Susanna, I'm really upset right now. Can you please pray for me?" Believe me asking that when I was mad and didn't want prayer was hard, but I knew that if I was going to get up and talk I had to let the Holy Spirit work through me. And the only way I could do that was if I wasn't angry.

"Sure Abi." She pulled aside two of my sisters and they prayed for me. I felt all the anger and tears melt away, and I walked into the small chapel, I was ready. When I stood up to talk about my reversion I didn't say exactly what I thought I was going to say, but one of the missionaries told me as we left,

"You did a good job Abi, I saw some ladies crying." That blessed me so much that I was able to bless them, I didn't know them, or see them, or even speak Spanish, (miss Genie translated) but I was able to bless them.

This event taught me that asking for prayer is very important. If I had not humbled myself in that moment I know that I could not have given my testimony. God gave me the grace to ask for help, and through me he touched someones heart.

Many blessings!

Abi